Timothy Patrick McMahon

Yes, THAT Timothy Patrick McMahon!

10 things I will never post on Facebook

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The other day I was stuck at the auto shop.  To pass the time while I was waiting for my car, I tried to make over 100 new FB friends.  I pestered as many “People You May Know” as I dared. (Some of these people I used to know, some I didn’t know at all.) I randomly selected people form the Facebook “People You May Know” list, and sent them this message attached to a friend request…

Hi there~ I’m stuck waiting for my car at the auto shop. So, to pass the time, I am trying to make at least 100 new Facebook Friends. So, I’m pestering you because we have at least 2 mutual friends online. You may not remember me, or you may not even know me, but none of that matters. Let’s just be friends. (Sorry to sound dorky, I’m just bored.) Feel free to ignore me if you want, I promise you wont hurt my feelings. Thanks! ~Tim

Well, after about 30 mins of clicking, I received this message from Facebook…

“Warning! You are engaging in behavior that may be considered annoying or abusive by other users.
Facebook’s systems determined that you were going too fast when adding friends. You must significantly slow down. Further misuse of site features may result in a temporary block or your account being permanently disabled. For further information, please visit our FAQ page.”

Well, I didn’t connect with 100 new friends (only about 30 or so). Oh well.

Anyway, after connecting with these people, it got me to thinking about what I say, and to who, online.  I don’t mind posting anything and everything that crosses my mind, no matter how stupid, to Tumblr and Twitter and here.  But on Facebook, I tend to self-edit a bit more.  I guess it’s because I don’t want the people who know me to really know the real me.  This realization lead me to ask, what would I never post on Facebook?

After a short interlude of contemplative self reflection and introspection (does that phrase even make sense?), I came up with ten things I would never post on Facebook…

  1. Hey Mom, I saw this video online and it reminded me of you!  Take a look!  http://tinyurl.com/29k7squ
  2. I’m sorry, but I can’t hold it in any longer…  (BLANK), I love you!  I always have, and I always will! Let’s run away together! (with BLANK being the name of any women other then my Kate.)
  3. Can anyone here help me score some heroine before the weekend?
  4. Ya know, when you use the metric system, my penis almost appears to be of average size!
  5. Let me tell you what really bugs me about the (BLANK)’s.  (with BLANK being the racial, ethnic or religious slur of your choice.)
  6. It wasn’t gay because he only put the tip in.
  7. To be honest, I don’t really like 94% of you, my so called “friends”.
  8. I’m sorry, but if you ask me, I’d say that the quality of videos on RedTube has taken a significant nose dive over the last few months.
  9. If you’re reading this, then I’m already dead.
  10. I need to get laid.

(update: I just reread this post.  60% of this list is sexually oriented.  Sorry, I didn’t know that this is where my imagination would take me!  I’ll try and keep it cleaner next time.)

Written by Timothy Patrick McMahon

February 21, 2011 at 3:05 pm

Posted in Me, Thoughts

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